A new era has lifted off for me, i think. I’ve been waking up to early mornings and fall into a deep train of thought that ceases to end, unless i force myself to stop engaging in that trance like moment. I think of many different things, but there was one subject that bugged me the most: am i starting my life?
I wonder if life is like a video game. Where your adolescent years are your training and the game really starts when you hit 18. That would be interesting. I’m not saying i view my life as just a game, or anything. Actually, i view my life as one giant movie. I have enough situations to make it a very compelling one. Maybe even win a few awards..
Life right now is content. It’s not as nerve racking as i thought it would get. I think thats because i have a good friend now. A real good friend, not a girlfriend. Is life built to be hard if you don’t have a friend by your side? I wonder that, sometimes. Can someone really live there life, happily, without having a good friend? It seems hard to imagine that, but i bet some people can manage that. I’m glad to know that i am not only having girlfriends to socialize with. Those normally end up going sour at the end. Speaking of girlfriends, i’m actually taking things slow with someone, right now. To be honest, i don’t know if it’s because i view them as only a friend or if it’s because i want this to be something real. This is another thing thats been bugging me recently.
Which brings up another point… I’ve been having a lot of dreams about Her, lately. It’s driving me insane. I wake up, feeling like things with Her and I are better, but realize it was only a dream. That sounded really emo, but shut the fuck up. What was it about her that drove me to completely and utterly fall in love with Her? God, i want to know so i can use that to get over her. I mean, i am over her, in some sense. Enough to move on, but honestly, i don’t think i’ll ever find someone who will make me as happy as she did. I felt so..complete with her. People from time to time tell me how her and i were perfect together. Reality hits though, and i remember how different we are from each other, now. I can’t recognize her anymore, and neither can she recognize me. At least she can’t see the Austin she knew. All of this talk is making me feel INCREDIBLY emo, so enough of this. OUT.
March 20, 2009 at 3:18 am |
Seriously, whoever she is, she deserves you because you deserve someone that makes you happy.
<3 Love this, I’m following your blogs.