Something happened this morning. Something hit me hard and showed me no mercy. Something that gave me a feeling it won’t go away for awhile. What is this Something? I don’t know what i want to do with my life.
For years, my dream was to make movies for the world to enjoy. When i was young, i thought all i had to do was do some college and BANG! Instant director. It’s not like that. Not even close. Being a director is a very risky task. It requires a lot of unpaid dedication and desire. Most importantly, it requires connections. Hollywood is a very elitist type of business. You either have to have good connections to make it big, or be a complete asshole. Well, i’ve been called an asshole, just not the right type of asshole. And i have no connections with the big shots.
All of this has been causing me a great deal of stress. Being a director is a very stressful job. It’s very unstable, financially. You can make 20 million in one year and the next get zip. A movie can take two years to complete and can turn into a complete disaster, wasting two years out of your life. All of this is something i’d be willing to risk, except for one thing: College time.
If i did pursue my dream and complete my Masters in Film, that would cost money and about 6 years of my life. It’s not like i have an endless supply of years and money and can just go back and take a different course towards a different job. I’ve thought about becoming a Nurse, like my mom. It’s a stable job, good pay, great benefits.. but would i be happy? I don’t know the answer to that question. I have a feeling it will be “content”. I bet i will always have a feeling in the back of my head, saying, “This is not the life you always wanted. You are not the person you always wanted to be.” I’m scared..
What do i do..?
